The 3-D trend for movies is reaching its tipping point of people either accepting and embracing it or just hating it. I fall into the “I’m over it” camp, because the market is just being flooded with so many “3-D” movies that have no business being in 3-D in the first place so people are being charged an extra arm and leg for a dimension that shouldn’t even be there. There is one exception to this, and that is when the extra dimension is used as a gimmick, because in the end that’s all it is anyway. So if the filmmakers are self-aware enough to utilize it as such, it can come off as a lot more fun. This is the case with Piranha 3-D.
Now, it goes without saying that this film isn’t for everybody. It pushes all the limits of shock, gore, and nudity all in the name of glorious classic B-movie horror campy-ness. So if you’re not a fan of beautiful people getting torn to pieces in new, creative ways (or just by fish) or a plethora of bare breasts, then you might want to skip out on this one. I, however, had a great time with it. This is a true “re-imagining” of the classic 70’s horror movie, aptly titled Piranha, and this updated version still keeps in line with the sensibilities of those exploitation/horror movies of that era. It’s not about watching the hero make it out safely, its about watching whatever the problem is (in this case, prehistoric piranhas) destroying as many people as possible, and then once you think the heroes are safe, finding out that they’re still screwed. And the 3-D just adds to the fun when it’s used as a gimmick, as I said. It’s almost like they’re making fun of the whole 3-D phenomenon, and showing that people are taking it far too seriously.
There is a serviceable enough plot to hold all the mayhem together. A random earthquake in a small Arizona lake town awakens a 200 million-year-old school of thousands of piranhas (as we learn from noted crazy old man, Cristopher Lloyd) that had previously been trapped in an underwater cave, but the earthquake conveniently gives them a way out into the open water of the lake. Unfortunately for the lake town, it’s Spring Break, and apparently the co-eds in this random Arizona town know how to party! The lake is full of beautiful people partying, and unaware of the eminent horrible death lurking under the water, and of course they don’t listen to the warnings of the sheriff who has seen the prehistoric killing machines in action first-hand. Speaking of the sheriff (played by Elisabeth Shue), her son (Steven R. McQueen) is supposed to be home babysitting his brother and sister, but instead he’s off shooting a “Wild Wild Girls” video with scumbag Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell, basically playing real-life scumbag Joe Francis of ‘Girls Gone Wild’ fame). So not only does she have to deal with trying to rescue the dying party-goers, she also has to find a way to get to her son. Drama!
It doesn’t take long for the bloody feeding frenzy to get going, and once it does, it doesn’t let up. There are zero slow parts in the movie at all, and if there’s not people getting eaten to pieces on the screen, then there’s a healthy dose of the aforementioned nudity, so there’s really something for everyone. It’d be easy to call this movie misogynistic at first glance, constantly referring to the women as bitches or f*cking whores (and of course...the boobs everywhere). However if you really look at it, the people who are referring to the women in this way tend to get the most brutal of deaths, so in a way it comes back to being anti-misogynist. The whole film could really be looked as an allegory for not being promiscuous. It’s pretty blatant actually: get drunk and start flaunting your body all over the place, and you will be annihilated by piranhas. And the only people who are smart enough to escape death (at least on screen) are the ones who are totally uncomfortable around the debauchery. So really I guess it could be a family movie with morals and everything.
The film succeeds because it knows what it is. It doesn’t set out to be a serious drama murder mystery. It sets out from the get-go to be an over-the-top bloody good time, and in that director Alexandre Aja succeeds. Once again, it’s not for everybody, but if you’re not squeemish, then you will have a blast with this film.
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